From Hopeless to Hopeful
by Tsubasa3
Summary: Tohru is allowed to go to the New Year's Celebration, but Akito has something else in store. But Akito suddenly becomes extremely sick and it is feared he'll die. Will Akito live? And what will happen of Akito and Tohru's relationship afterwards?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket in any way whatsoever and am making no such profit off of this either; it is strictly for entertainment purposes. The copyright belongs to Natsuki Takaya as well as other well respected associates.  
  
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I was surprised when Akito said I could come to the New Year's Celebration. The New Year's Celebration was a party for the Sohmas only, but this year, Akito decided to make an exception on my part for some mysterious reason. This year, we would be celebrating the year of the snake.  
  
And so, here I am, New Year's Eve. I'm a bit nervous and anxious, and hope I make a good impression. I mean, the Sohmas are a large and prestigious family; I may seem like an outsider to those who don't know me.  
  
I looked down at myself in the mirror. I wore a light blue blouse with a matching skirt, nylons, and a pair of brown shoes; my hair was tied in the back. "Wish me luck Mom," I said, and hurried downstairs where Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo were waiting, each in a distinguished suit.  
  
Around 20 minutes later, on foot, we arrived at Sohma House. A host greeted us at the door. We had come to a large hall with tables and chairs set up, and a large center in the middle for the dane of the Zodiac animal. Not many people had arrived yet, so it was still pretty empty. We saw Ayame in the hallway. "Heellloooo! How do I look Gure-san?" he asked. Ayame was wearing the traditional dress for the Zodiac member of that year. "Very nice Aya," Shigure commented. "Thank you! The last time I did this it was twelve years ago! I haven't worn this thing in such a long time! I'm so happy! Oh, do you remember how Hatori was last year?! He looked so cute with this dress on!" Ayame said. Shigure laughed. "Yes. By the way, where is Hari?" "Oh, he's making arrangements out in the hall and running errands for Akito," Ayame replied.  
  
We went into the hall, where a few more people had arrived. We saw Ritsu, and Kagura (much to Kyo's fright), as well as Hiro and Kisa too. I also saw Akito on the other side of the large hall in beautiful white robes that really complimented him, despite its great contrast to his features.  
  
The ceremony eventually got under way after everyone had arrived and was seated. I sat with Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, and Hatsuharu in a far corner of the hall. By this time, there were so many people I could barely count them anymore! I knew the Sohmas were a very large family, I just didn't know that they were this large!  
  
The ceremony began with gentle, melodramatic music playing as Ayame entered in his dress. He walked into the center of the hall and paused for a moment before he began a slow, rythmic dance flowing gracefully with the music. Each year had a specific dance and this one, the dance of the Snake, was a very beautiful, intricate one. His hair moved with his body, always flowing behind it in his movements across the floor.  
  
The spirit of the Snake seemed to fill the room and cause great awe and amazement among everyone. I was completely entranced by Ayame's movements and unaware of everything else around me. I was captivated by him as he moved throughout the floor, the fabric of the dress, flowing in back of him.  
  
Then, when I least expected it, a voice whispered in the back of my ear, like the hiss of a snake. "Come with me." The voice urged me to stand and come with it. I hesitated, but stood slowly, subtly, from my seat and saw Akito in back of me in his elegant, white robes. He touche dmy sleeve as if to usher me alomg and then exited the hall through a door, I following.  
  
His robes brushed the floor as he walked down the lavishly decorated, empty hallway covered in images of the Snake. He stopped by a door and slid open the fusuma. As I entered after him, I could still hear the music playing in the hall behind us.  
  
I sat on the floor before him and bowed. He was calm and confidant as he stood above me. "Miss Tohru Honda," he began infamously. I swallowed nervously. What could Akito possibly want with me?  
  
"Do you know why you are here?" he asked me. "No," I replied, looking down at the mats covering the floor. He smirked. "You don't. Well then let me tell you," he said in a sinister tone. That unnerved me a bit. He was still calm, but seemed to be angry with me, though I had no idea why.  
  
"You told them, didn't you?" Akito's voice said angrily. "T- told who, what?" I asked. "You told them exactly what you swore not to." There was a pause. "We thought we could trust you. We were all warming up to you like we had finally found someone who cared enough about us to keep our secret and not expose us. I, myself, was even beginning to trust you, and then you told your little friend our secret. We can never trust you again, Tohru Honda," he told me. "You betrayed us. You hypocrite! You are just an imposter!" "But, Akito, what did I do?!" I asked desperately. "I swear, I never told anyone about the curse, I swear! And I never will! You can trust me!" I pleaded with him. "They're lies!" he yelled. He was obviously becoming angrier and I became frightened. "You told someone, didn't you? You thought it would be a cute little joke that no one would ever find out about, but I did. You thought it would be fun to tell you're friend our little secret. This is the end of the line. You've been found out, Tohru Honda, and we cannot forgive you."  
  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had never told a single soul about the Sohma curse; I vowed I never would. So how could Akito suspect that I had? I had kept the secret locked up inside all this time, never telling a soul. I even went out of my way to make sure no one found out. So, how could he...even think...that I could...possibly...have told someone? Because I never had.  
  
"You realize we'll have to erase you as well as your friend's memories too, you know?" he said. "I know what the bargain was, and I upheld my part of it. I don't know what else I can tell you, except, that I would never tell anyone about your family's curse, Akito. I am so grateful to the Sohmas for all they've done for me; telling their secret is out of the question," I said. "LIES! I don't believe it!" "But Akito-" "SHUT UP!" A second later my skin stung with the harsh pain as he hit me. "Aahhh!" I cried and fell back. I looked up at him, sad and afraid.  
  
Help me Mom, was all I could think. Help me.  
  
I gave a sob. Akito seemed undisturbed by my tears and seemed to not care that I was afraid. "You're afraid, aren't you? Well, good. I could care less. This is the punishment you have to pay for what you've done," he said cruelly.  
  
"Akito, what do I have to do to make you believe I didn't tell anyone?" I asked. "What would even make you think that I had told someone?" I asked. There was a silence.  
  
"Because, no one has ever...kept...our secret. You are no different. No one can bear to keep such a secret for so long," he said. "I know that that may have been the case in the past, but not now. I kept your family's secret, all along. And I vow to never tell a soul in my lifetime. I swear before God. I couldn't," I tried to convince him. "Shut..up. How can you possibly expect me to believe you?" he asked. "I can't. I know that you and your family have been hurt many times before, so I can't expect you to trust my intentions fully, but as long as there's that small bit of trust, we can build upon it, and make it grow, right?" I said. There was a short pause. "So, Akito, do you trust me?" I asked him. He paused for a moment before speaking again. "No, Tohru Honda. I don't trust you. Never," he said.  
  
To tell the truth I wasn't sure how to react to that. He had just told me bluntly that he didn't and never could trust me. I sat there almost stunned for a moment. Seeing that now there was no way I could get him to even remotely trust me, I nodded solemnly. "May I please excuse myself?" I requested. "Go," was all I heard.  
  
I stood and bowed low, before leaving the room. The dance that Ayame had been performing was long over by now and my absence seemed missed by Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo. "Where were you?" Yuki asked me. "Oh, uh, I had to go somewhere," I replied quietly. Yuki, being the way he was, just nodded. "Okay Miss Honda," he said.  
  
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Yay! The end of ch. 1! *triumphant music plays* Stick around for other chappies as they come! Bye! 


	2. Sickness

A few weeks later, Akito got sick. Really sick. I remember now, near the end of the evening on New Year's Eve, Akito started to look pale and was coughing. He had to retire early by Hatori's orders.  
  
And now he's worse than before. I remember that evening when Hatori called Shigure late and he talked for a long time to Shigure. Shigure seemed worried at what Hatori was telling him, and that made me worried. I was scared.  
  
When he finally got off the phone with Hatori, he quietly told me Akito was running a high fever and vomiting. Akito had been a lot worse than usual; Hatori wasn't sure what to do.  
  
When he told me this, memories flashed across my mind.  
  
"I have to die early."  
  
"I was born in order to die."  
  
"Or I should say, Akito. He has frequent fevers."  
  
"They are all able to live because of me."  
  
I began to wonder if this was part of the Sohma curse. Was this the opening to the long trial awaiting Akito until his death? I thought of how sad we all were going to be when he passed away. And right now, that seemed iminant.  
  
I thought, we are told to believe in the gods to guide us and help us through life. They say the spirits are with everyone, but what about the Sohmas? Where are the gods for them? They are forced to face the trials of life without aid and protection. What a hard life that must be. Only now, do I realize their hardships, and suffering, and pain they must experience so much of because of their curse. And I have chosen to live without help myself, because I have chosen to live with the Sohmas. But the Sohmas are my help and my hope. They are my family now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` Over the short time period of a few weeks, I had become unusually conscious of Akito. So when Hatori mentioned to Shigure he needed help, I was the first to volunteer.  
  
I'm not sure what I expected to get out of it, maybe just the satisfaction of helping out Hatori and maybe to help Akito get better. But by this point it was much more than a simple fever, it had become increasingly more serious over the weeks, thus, increasing the stress in everyone else as well. Not even Hatori seemed to have doubts that this was it.  
  
But I refused to give up hope. This may just be a passing illness, but it sure didn't appear that way. Akito's body seemed to be making no attempts to get better and heal itself, but just fall deeper into illness. He was always pale and sickly looking, that healthy glow gone from his face; his sleep was fitful and uneased.  
  
But now, I just wanted to help and be with Akito to help him through this. I still kept hope that maybe this wasn't the end.  
  
Hatori had to attend to other patients within the Sohmas and so left me alone with Akito for the day. Akito was sleeping peacefully, taking a nap. Normally, he would be up and enjoying the company of the birds had he not been sick. I secretly, missed that for him.  
  
Today was one of Akito's better days and had been moving around a little earlier that day. I listened to his soft, heavy breaths silently by his bed. The clocked on the wall ticked in it's usual rythm, never missing a beat, so precise. Each tick seemed to be counting down to Akito's last breath and seemed to come whenever he took a breath. I shut that thought from my mind and told myself not to think that way. Akito wouldn't die, he couldn't, I wouldn't allow him to give in to this illness.  
  
I pulled my knees into me on the chair. I was lost in thought when the sickly young man on the bed opened his eyes wearily. Coming back to attention, I released my legs and stood quickly. "Hello. Did you have a good sleep?" I said with cheerfulness only for his sake. He moaned and blinked slowly. "Where is Hatori?" he asked with a parched throat. "He has to attend to some other patients. He'll be back by tonight," I said, not letting a bit of sadness creep into my voice. I smiled warmly at him. He nodded slowly.  
  
"You should get some more sleep. Don't talk too much," I said. "Maybe you'll feel a little better when you wake up," I said encouragingly. But I knew that was just wishful thinking; I knew Akito was far from feeling better. Just that thought made we want to cry, but I let no part of that creep into my voice. I must stay positive, for him. I had to be strong.  
  
"No. I am well enough," he objected. He flung the covers off of him, and despite the rings under his eyes, stood from the bed. He retied his robes that hung limply around his thin form; he had lost a lot of weight over the period of his sickness. Jumping to his aid, I offered him something to eat. "Would you like something to eat, or drink?" I asked. "No," he said. I smiled when he wasn't looking. I guess people like Akito always have to still be gruff and indifferent a little, even when they're sick. But I feared that maybe one day he would become too sick to care. I sincerely hoped that never ever happened.  
  
I helped out with Akito whenever possible, but all my efforts were in vain, for Akito still would not heal himself and become better. He just seemed to drop deeper and deeper into sickness. And it made me hurt for him. I wanted so badly for him to be cured, I wanted him to live so desperately. And yet, all my prayers and wishes just seemed to be tossed aside. Where were the spirits to help the Sohmas, to help Akito? _______________________  
  
The end of ch. 2. The next chapter will be *coughcough* deadly (that's a trick word). 


	3. Ch 3 Untitled

I helped out Hatori with Akito two or three times a week, whenever I could. All my efforts were not fruitful though, for Akito stayed the same. Every day, I could feel his life slipping away more and more. His breath was slow and heavy, a long drone.  
  
Hatori had done all he could, but could not diagnose Akito with anything. He said: "It isn't like any particular disease or ailment; just like a very bad cold, but that won't pass." He had tried giving Akito several different medications and antibiotics, but his condition remained indifferent.  
  
I tried to stay positive for Akito and to help ease my own worries, but I was becoming more and more worried and pessimistic as the days wore on. At this point, I think Hatori was feeling the same way. He was different now and distracted. You could tell he felt hopeless and totally powerless. And so did I. God, it killed me to see Akito this way, completely helpless.  
  
I just wanted some way out, anything, but nothing revealed itself. No amount could heal him; no matter how much medicine we gave him, no matter how much we willed him to live, our pleas were unanswered.  
  
And then, one day, the unavoidable truth, the thing we most dreaded, happened.  
  
I was sitting by Akito's bed, holding his warm hand. Everything seemed normal, but all was not normal. Hatori was in the other room on the phone. I sat reading a book, when, something was wrong. Nothing apparent had happened, but something was definitely wrong.  
  
I looked up at Akito. Fear filled me as I bent over him. He wasn't breathing. Oh God, no, this can't be happening, I thought. "Hatori!!!" Hatori rushed in the room.  
  
"Tohru, what is it?" I didn't answer. He already knew. He rushed over to Akito and listened for a faint heartbeat. I could see the fear in his eyes as he began to give Akito CPR and restart his heart.  
  
"Tohru, go, call the hospital, now!" Hatori yelled. Frantically, I ran to the phone, almost tripping. I picked up the phone, trying to remember the number of the hospital. "Tohru, 991!" yelled Hatori frantically from the other room. Dialing the number as quickly as I could,there were a few rings, each ring closer to losing Akito.  
  
"Hello, Emergency Services."  
  
"Uh, um, we need medical services immediatley. A man is dying here!" I shrieked into the phone.  
  
"Ma'am, calm down, please calm down. We'll have an ambulance there within a few minutes."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I think I died in the hospital with Hatori. Akito was alive. I sighed and slid down in my seat. Closing my eyes, I thanked the spirits silently for sparing Akito's life.  
  
Hatori smiled beside me. He turned to me. "Tohru, you did a good job," he said. "I couldn't have done it without you."  
  
I smiled too. "You were the one who kept him alive for as long as you did," I said. "I could never have given Akito CPR even if I tried," I laughed.  
  
But Hatori suddenly seemed serious again. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair in an almost dreaded way. He looked me in the eyes and placed his hands on my shoulders, and he said: "Tohru, I want you to know that Akito's life has been spared this time, but they still cannot cure Akito completely. I- I- I'm afraid that after this, there's nothing we can do. We'll just have to let Akito go." He paused and looked down. "Th- this is it."  
  
"H- Hatori, what do you m- mean?" I said.  
  
"I'm mean that we have to let Akito...go."  
  
I tried to stop the tears, but it was no use; they flowed freely down my cheeks.  
  
"T- Tohru, I'm scared." He paused. "I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose Akito."  
  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Hatori was actually admitting he was afraid. He was afraid just like everyone else.  
  
I sniffled and leaned my head against his. "I know. I am too. But we, have to, be strong." I said that, even though I wasn't feeling very strong myself. I too, was very sad at what Hatori was telling me. I wanted Akito to live as much as Hatori did.  
  
"But I don't want to be strong; I don't think I can," Hatori said with an unsteady voice.  
  
"We must try though; try to be strong for Akito, in his last days. And so, when he passes away, we'll be okay, and move on with our lives as best we can. That's all we can do." There was a short silence.  
  
"Thank you Tohru. I'm really glad that we never erased your memory," Hatori said softly to me.  
  
I held his neck, and sobbed and let a tear fall down my cheek. We must have been quite a site, there in that waiting room, confiding in each other our secret fears.  
  
The end of ch. 3. I know that it is quite difficult to really restart someone's heart, not to mention keep them alive until paramedics come, but I tried to make it realistic. There will probably be around 2 more chapters. Until next time! 


	4. Ch 4 Untitled

Those words echoed in my mind endlessly for the better part of a week. I was desperate to spend as much time as possible with Akito in his last hours after he was released from the hospital.  
  
Sometimes I would spend all day there at Hatori's house; Hatori and I talked a lot. It calmed us both.  
  
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One day, while visiting with Akito in his dim room where he had been sleeping, he awoke. I smiled down at him. He blinked and sat up. I didnt stop him.  
  
"To-" he was cut off by a coughing fit. His throat was partially blocked from the saliva and had a raspy, unsteady sound.  
  
Removing his hand from his mouth, he looked up at me and said: "Tohru Honda, do you remember, at the New Year's Celebration?" he said. I nodded as the memories came to mind.  
  
"You never told, did you?" he said, looking away. I shook my head silently.  
  
"No, I would never tell, of course. I told you, I swore, I'd never tell a soul as long as I live."  
  
"Then it is my transgression. I- I apologize." Simply those words brought tears to my eyes; I knew, had Akito not been sick he would have under no circumstances have ever apologized. For him, it was like a code of honor to keep his pride.  
  
"No! It isn't your fault at all! It was just a misunderstanding," I insisted. "Really, Akito, it's okay." He was completely silent for a moment. He opened a window and let a bird fly in, and rest gently upon his finger.  
  
"You know I am going to die soon. How will that affect you? How will it affect the others?" he asked. I looked to the floor.  
  
"I will be sad, everyone will. Akito Sohma, you keep us alive. You keep us moving in the direction that we should be, so that we don't ever stray. For such a young age, you are wise beyond your years, and despite your rough exterior, I know you're a good person as well as leader inside."  
  
"But I will eventually be forgotten as all the others."  
  
"No, of course not! We'll never forget you, Akito. You're part of the family. You may...pass on, but we'll never forget you," I told him encouragingly. He paused for a moment.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" he asked. I took a breathe.  
  
"Hatori doesn't know. You're just...sick. I'm sorry, but we really don't," I confessed sadly.  
  
"Why, why did you stay with us?" he asked. "Why did you stay with us when you knew what our lives were like, and you willingly were pulled in?"  
  
"Because, everyone has to be saved in this world from something. And I know that I can't cure you of your curse, but I think that you and your family needed a friend. A friend that understood," I told him.  
  
"Thank...you..." Akito whispered so that it was barely audible, followed by another coughing fit. "You willingly saved us; you may not be of Sohma blood, but you're part of our family now." I smiled at that. I sincerely thought I'd never hear Akito say those words. He turned to me now and the bird flew off his finger, out the window.  
  
"Tohru Honda, do you wish I would live?" he asked. I nodded solemnly.  
  
"Yes. More than anything."  
  
"Everyone in this world has to be saved from something, you say. I guess though, you just weren't on time for me," he said tonelessly. Normally, I would have protested that with all my heart, but I knew, that it was nothing but the truth. The bitter truth; that Akito would, indeed die, and that there was nothing we could ever do to stop it now. I said nothing for a long time as we both sat in silence.  
  
"Akito, are you scared?" I whispered.  
  
"I don't know. Though I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. I have lived with the idea for so long, I'm used to it. Like I said, I was born in order to die. It simply means, I will no longer have a visible existence in this place, this cruel, wretched world. So maybe, it's just a relief."  
  
Always, when I wouldn't know what to do, I woud just remember my mother's words and that would give me the strength and guidance to believe. But now, I didn't want to believe. It was almost like: they're just words, they can't do much of anything. Right now, I don't think anybody wanted to believe; believing was just too hard right now. Nobody wants to believe in a futile cause.  
  
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One day, when I was all alone, I crept into Akito's room. He wasn't there anymore, Hatori was tending to him somewhere else. I sat by the chair I always sat in and touched the covers, creating small wrinkles. I touched the pillow where he would always lay his head. Removing my hand, I saw a bittersweet reminder of the young man usually laying there, strands of his dark hair.  
  
How long had it been that Akito had been laid up? By now, it would have passed 4 months. And he still was showing no signs of improvement, at least not that I could see; though Hatori said he was eating more. But at this point, that was our only glimmer of hope. We simply continued to fret over him and make sure he was comfortable until.... But I still didn't want to think about what happens then.  
  
All these thoughts swirling infinitely around in my end brought tears to my eyes for the thousandth time. Sliding off the chair and onto the floor, I lay, listening to the silence with my ear to the floor. I let a low sob escape my throat.  
  
Closing my eyes, I counted the seconds before I pushed myself up into a sitting position, leaning upon the bed. I looked up at the dim ceiling for a moment and that ancient thought crept back into my mind. When I was younger, my mother was like my guide through life to help me do the right thing and be of help. There must be someone like that for everyone, right? That's what I thought once, but only until I met the Sohmas. They have no one. They have no one to help them out and understand, so all they can do is be shot and ruined by life, giving up the futile struggle they've held all their lives for generations and generations. Just because of a stupid curse that they really don't deserve. No one can ever understand their own pain and suffering; I realize even now- I've only seen a small fraction of their real, torturous lives- to be brushed aside because of something totally out of their control.  
  
With a cracky voice I said: "Spirits, gods, whoever, please, please help them. I beg of you, help them. Why have you forsaken them, and me?" I began so desperately. "They have done nothing wrong, yet are cursed with lives of pain and sadness. I really don't care whatever you spirits think if you even exist, because I think they have lived very honorable lives for all their sacrifices. And, Akito... Help Akito... Please, I beg of you..." I pleaded and fell silent, dropping to the floor once again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hello! How was that for a ch. 4? I really apologize for any grammar errors; I'm constantly trying to improve and become a better writer so thanks for the much-needed support.  
  
This may be longer than I actually intended, but that's okay; since Akito has been sick, there hasn't been much time for character development and feelings, so I think I'll work on that after- I won't go any further otherwise I'd be giving away the storyline. *hehe* ^___^ 


	5. Healing

Note: You'll know where I got the title of this story once you read this chapter.  
  
I didn't visit Akito for a while afterwards and tried to drown myself in other parts of my life. I didn't tell anyone what Hatori had told me. They didn't know just yet, that Akito really would die, very, very soon. They had the right to know, a lot more than I sure did, but I couldn't bring myelf to tell them, to bring them that grief of knowing. Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, they are my family, I could never bring this down upon them. But instead, my world was crashing down before me with this knowledge.  
  
Though one day, while in the midst of cleaning the kitchen, Shigure called to me to answer the phone. I answered calmly, not sure who would speak.  
  
"Hello?" I said.  
  
"Tohru, this is Hatori. Could you come over, please? As soon as possible," Hatori asked.  
  
"Um...yeah, sure. Why? Did something happen?" I questioned, wondering if something bad had happened.  
  
"Well, no. No, nothing bad happened," he replied with a slight jump in his voice.  
  
"Okay then, I'll be right over," I said and hung up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I arrived at Sohma House later and was greeted by Hatori who was trying to remain polite throughout, despite the dark circles under his eyes and exhausted demeanor, and led me to Akito's room. Akito was sleeping peacefully, but deeply and was not awakened when we entered. Everything seemed normal, and I was about to ask Hatori why he brought me here, but I had the feeling he was about to tell me. He leaned against the wall and stared at Akito for a moment.  
  
"Last night, he was up all night, coughing. But, he's stopped now," Hatori said. I waited for the point. "In all my years in the medical practice, this is truly extraordinary. He only coughs rarely now and it's so clear and crisp...." Hatori drifted off dreamily.  
  
I really was surprised at how Hatori was acting. But I knew in my heart that Hatori loved Akito just as much as we all did, so I guess I couldn't blame him. Even if it was only a thousandth of an improvement in Akito's condition, for us, it was everything.  
  
We must have watched him for at least 30 minutes in the doorway, listening to his clear, slow, healthy breathes. I could see the affection and happiness in Hatori's eyes watching Akito. And I pondered the reasons of why we had been shown even the slightest amount of mercy for Akito, but I was more than thankful.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Again, I found myself lost in other parts of my life, though by this time, Akito had become a large and vital part of my life. Little did I know though, that we had been shown mercy through Akito. Little did I know of his improving condition. One month later, Hatori called once again. This time he sounded much more awake.  
  
"Tohru, Akito, he can-" Hatori seemed to be choking on the words erupting from him with such excitement. "He's walking again, he's walking totally on his own! He can stay awake, he can listen, he cares now! Oh God Tohru, I'm so happy!" Hatori gasped ecstatically.  
  
At first I wondered whether it was really Hatori I was talking to; this was totally uncharacteristic of him.  
  
"Tohru, I mean, how did this happen?" Hatori suddenly said, abruptly calm again. "I was in the medical practice for several years before I retired, but this just doesn't happen. In simple terms, it's a miracle. I can't explain it." Over the line, I heard Hatori sigh in disbelief. I fell against the wall and smiled.  
  
I was so totally stunned and relieved at the same time, it felt quite strange. Akito was improving; it seemed so surreal and unbelieveable. Just a few months ago, we were sure he was going to die, and now, Akito was alive and slowly improving. It really must be a miracle. I witnessed a miracle of life being returned. Akito's condition had gone from hopeless to hopeful.  
  
With this new hopeful omen, I started doing my almost daily routine thing again, constantly checking up on Akito and Hatori. Some days, Akito's condition would improve fantastically, and then be a bit poor the next, and some days he simply stayed the same. But thankfully, he never got extremely worse and still did appear to be making something of a recovery.  
  
Each day I could see Akito's pride and dignity build back up and his defenses were being built again. Soon the old Akito would be back again and possibly never speak of that one day when we talked together again. But I didn't mind, that was Akito and I loved him just the way he was.  
  
And I won't deny that I said "love". Nor will I deny, how my feelings have grown for Akito over the period he has been ill. He has grown to be a great part of my life. I loved Akito, it came as no shock.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I know, I made everybody wait so long for this chapter, and it turns out to be really short, but I had to churn out three other chapters as well! So, gomen about that. But hey, Tohru told her feelings this chapter, so that's a bonus. I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be out, but I'll try for soon. Bye! 


	6. New Years' Again

Note: Rin is the horse of the Juunishi, but is only seen in the manga. Rin lives with Kagura and her mother. And no, I've never read the manga; I can't read Japanese, well, not fluently.  
  
I reported the news that Akito was healing remarkably to Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo who were all quite happy. I was still overcoming the shock myself, Akito, healthy; only a few months ago we never would have put those two words together.  
  
Now that I counted how long it had been, Akito had been laid up for almost an entire year. In two months, it would be time for the New Year's Celebration again. Hatori said Akito would most likely be able to come. I didn't know if I would be allowed to attend again or not. I suppose we'd just have to wait to see what Akito says, if anything about it.  
  
The first month went by fairly quickly. Momiji stopped by for a visit today with Hatsuharu and Kisa. Hatori also called one evening while I was getting ready for bed.  
  
"Tohru-kun, I'm sorry for calling so late; I had a lot of business. Cleaning, everything. Anyway, Akito would like you to be present at the New Years' Celebration as last year. Can you come?" Hatori asked. I nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I can come. I was hoping I could," I replied. And so the evening of the New Years' Celebration came.  
  
I checked my hair to make sure it was laying flat and went downstairs. I couldn't wait to see Akito again, healthy. This year, Kyo wanted to try out some of his "techniques", so we drove this time. We were greeted at the door by Hatori.  
  
"Ahh, Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, Tohru, nice to see you again," Hatori greeted politely. We entered the large hall filled with various people of the Sohma clan, many of whom I had never met before. My eyes searched frantically for Akito across the sea of people. He was nowhere to be seen. I walked over to Hatori.  
  
"Hatori, where is Akito?" I asked him.  
  
"Akito should be here any moment now," he said, looking around the hall. "He probably just doesn't want to socialize with everyone. He'll be out soon." I nodded and went back over to where Shigure and Yuki were talking with Rin; Kyo was being dragged away with Kagura.  
  
From a side door, slid out a pale and thin form, covered in white. Long, black hair, uncut, hung to the side of his face. His magnificience and power eminated from his foreboding image throughout the room. I immediately identified him as Akito. No one had noticed him yet as he entered the large hall. I kept my distance for now.  
  
Shigure, Yuki, and I went to take our seats next to Hatsuharu's immediate family and himself; Kyo was tied to a chair by Kagura and her mother.  
  
Rin entered the room as the ceremony began. The dance of the Horse, unlike that of the Snake which was quite distinct with Ayame's own particular jazz mixed in, was a bit faster and rythmic. Her hair flew behind her as she ran across the floor. I could see her eyes were closed as she ran through the movements in her head precisely and flawlessly.  
  
I didn't take notice of how long the dance had been, but the music eventually died and Rin ended. As Rin made her way from the large open hall to the hallway, my eyes switched to Akito far at the other end of the hall.  
  
The feast began finally and I got some time to socialize with everyone. I met some people I hadn't know, thinking it was quite extraordinary that I helped through Akito's sickness. I also got some time to talk with Momiji too and he told me about the first time he ever did the dance of the Rabbit when he was very young; he said the dress was huge on him.  
  
And so the hours passed and soon it was time for the New Year to come in. I remember we all stood and counted down the seconds and then it was the new year all too soon.  
  
A few people left after that but Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, and I decided to stay a little longer. While Shigure and Yuki were mingling with some of the other family members, and Kyo was being beaten by Kagura, I stood alone in the hall, watching Akito. He turned, saw me, and approached. I tensed up. Nearing me, his face remained indifferent.  
  
"Miss Tohru Honda." He paused. "Follow me," he commanded and began to walk towards the side door he took me through exactly one year ago. He led me down the same hall and to the same room. I shut the fusuma behind me as I entered and sat, bowing formally.  
  
"Do you know why you are here?" he asked. I remembered the same words from a year ago. I shook my head, this time just slightly more comfortable around him. This time though, he did not smirk or laugh; he simply remained quiet for a moment. He knelt down to my level and came closer. Gently, without warning, he kissed me. Losing my balance, I fell back in pure shock.  
  
"Akito?" was all I could manage to say. He said nothing and drew closer again. Touching my hair, he leaned into me and kissed me again. Releasing my lips, he gently ran his fingers down my hair. "A- Akito?" I choked out. I couldn't seem to find any words to express my utter shock. "Akito, w- what was that for?" I suddenly managed to ask. He made no reply at first and I found myself drawn into his dark eyes. They held that same emotionless gaze to them, but for some reason, it felt softer now, less cold and dreary.  
  
"Tohru, what's the matter? Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked me. I detected a very, very slight hint of concern in his voice. In truth, I was more than happy he had kissed me, but I couldn't say that.  
  
"Uh, um, n- no. No, I'm okay. I just need to relax and need some time to absorb this," I told him gently. He gave a dreaded sigh and let his head hang for a moment. He lifted his head again.  
  
"Miss Honda, realize, I'm not in this just to play around." I nodded understandingly and stood, bowing. He too, lifted himself from the floor. I stood by the door, watching him for a moment.  
  
"Akito, when you were sick, I prayed you'd live. Thank you for living, Akito, thank you," I told him and bowed one last time before leaving the room.  
  
~~~~~~~ I know, another short chapter, but it was posted pretty quickly. Yes, well, everybody's been waitin' for this. The next chapter will be out reasonably soon! Arigato for reading! 


	7. There Never Was A Change

After New Year's, when we had all thought winter was gone for good, a heavy snowfall fell from the sky one early morning. That day, I was supposed to go to see Akito. I, fortunately, though, did not have to shovel, Yuki and Kyo were at that almost immediately, screaming at each other at the same time, though most of it was done by Kyo.  
  
Yuki had been tempting Kyo all morning, giving off cruel insults and giving him airy, nonchalant looks, as if tempting Kyo to try and hit him just once. I had been trying to keep the peace, but now it appears I was out of my element, inside, warm and cozy, and they were outside, had shovels, neither one afraid to use it.  
  
From the window, sipping hot cocoa, I could tell Kyo was ready to rip Yuki apart, though probably unsuccessfully. His shovel poised on the ground, ready to kill Yuki, Kyo stood, scowling.  
  
"DAMN IT, YOU RAT BOY, WOULD YOU JUST MAKE A MOVE ALREADY!!!" The yard erupted into screams once again.  
  
"Shut up, baka neko," Yuki shot back severely. Kyo scowled and charged at Yuki with a punch. Yuki dodged with ease and quickly punched Kyo solidly in the ribs. Kyo fell to his knees, gasping. I became worrried; I could tell he was hurt, but Kyo would never lose to Yuki without a good fight. I bit my lower lip, worriedly. Turning my head, I was surprised to see Shigure next to me by the window, keeping score.  
  
"Ahh, so Tohru, who do you think will win this one? Probably Yuki, as usual," he said casually as Kyo gave another battle cry and charged at Yuki with the shovel after getting up.  
  
"Shigure, maybe we should stop them; it looks like this is getting serious," I said.  
  
"No, this is the best way. When things like this do start up, though it has been rare recently, it's best we just let them fight it out. It's what they do best when with each other. I do recall, several years ago, before you came to live with us, one of their fights got so out of hand, Kyo had to go to the hospital at the end of it. But he escaped with only a few minor bumps and bruises." I gave a gasp.  
  
"But Shigure, they're going to kill each other!" I shrieked. Shigure gave a chuckle.  
  
"Ah, it does appear that way, doesn't it?" he said, taking out a pair of binoculars.  
  
Outside, Kyo swiped at Yuki with a forceful, frustrated punch. Yuki caught it easily.  
  
"I would have thought Master would have taught you a little better, but I guess he just didn't want to spend so much time on a useless student like you," Yuki said severely. Yuki sneered. Kyo scowled and threw another punch straight for Yuki's face. Yuki dodged barely.  
  
"Damn it, you make me sick to my stomach with your damn antics!" Kyo yelled angrily.  
  
"What? Is that your favorite word?" Yuki said sarcastically. Kyo was apparently just about ready to annihilate Yuki; I could see the pure anger and hatred imprinted on his face. Yuki saw this too, and was enjoying this, that he was making Kyo angry and frustrated.  
  
It's at times like these I wonder if there ever could be a hope that those two could get along finally, one day. Yuki once told me, "We were born hating each other, it's as simple as that. He is the Cat, and I am the Rat, we could never be friends." How could something so simple and unreasonable possibly keep two people apart? I know, in my heart, Kyo and Yuki one day could be friends, if they just tried. I know they have it in them to try to cooperate with each other, after all, they secretly envy each other, but I guess they just aren't ready to realize that yet. But still, that aside, they have come a long way; fights like these used to happen every time it snowed, even every weekend, and now it only happens on occasion. If only they could stop their cruelty to each other, maybe things would be different.  
  
But, there had to be some hope for them, even as miniscule as it may be. If Akito could recover from near death, then there was hope for those two as well.  
  
I glanced at Shigure and then switched my eyes back to Kyo and Yuki outside through the windowpane. Yuki was laying in the snow, curled up tightly, his back to me, curling up tighter every time he winced from the pain. Kyo stood over him, breathing heavily. I frowned and was about to rush out to help Yuki. But suddenly, Kyo bent down and extended and arm to the curled- up form in the snow. There was a pause and all was silent for a moment; Shigure and I both were holding our breath. Finally, slowly, weakly, Yuki reached up and took Kyo's hand. Yuki was lifted from the ground and stood, staring at Kyo for a moment. Kyo released his hand and let it drop to his side. The two watched each other for a few moments silently.  
  
Suddenly, I saw Yuki's mouth form three short words.  
  
"Thank you, Kyo."  
  
I let my breath out in a long sigh and smiled.  
  
I had just witnessed a miracle. A miracle of friendship. Shigure, having already removed the binoculars, turned to me with a genuine smile.  
  
"I truly, never thought I would see this day. Of course, this won't be the end, but they've taken another big step to becoming true friends I think," he said. I nodded. Yes. There was hope for them, maybe even bigger than I had thought. It's simple, small but genuine moments like these that really make up life; this was definitely memorable.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
The night air was chilly as I approached the house deathly silent in the early evening. I had been forced to come later than hoped because Kagura made a surprise appearance and ripped up the house a little while violently showing her love for Kyo as usual whenever she came over.  
  
I was a bit nervous coming here; I had no idea why Akito wanted me to come, what he was planning, any of it. The last time I had seen him he had kissed me, so naturally this would be a bit awkward on my part.  
  
I entered through a fusuma on the side of the house and removed my shoes by the door and set them down. I shivered as I entered into the house. It was dim in the house, but warm. Removing my coat, I carried it over my arm as I made my way into the main part of the house.  
  
"Akito?" I called softly. "Akito, are you there?"  
  
"I'm glad you could make it; I was worried you weren't coming," a familiar voice came from the darkness from a closeby hallway. I gasped at the sudden voice. A low laughter came and Akito stepped into the light of the room I was in. I looked to the floor and tried to not look Akito in the face. "What's the matter? Am I making you nervous?" Akito said, stepping toward me. I shook my head slowly. It seemed like the room had suddenly become uncomfortably hot. "You want to know why you were called here," Akito said. I said nothing and forced myself to look him in the face. "You told someone, didn't you?" Akito said that sentence in a strange way; not necessarily threatening, but more like he was urging me to confess to a crime I didn't commit. I gasped at his words, I knew exactly what he meant.  
  
"No, Akito, I told you. I- I thought you knew, I thought you believed me. I thought...I thought things were better. Were they?" I said softly. I was shocked Akito would even still suggest that. I was sure he believed me then, and trusted me. Akito gave a ridiculous laugh.  
  
"No, things were never different; things never changed."  
  
"But, then, why did you let me go a year ago?" I asked him.  
  
"Because, I didn't think you posed too much of a threat at the time. But now it seems obvious that you are. We shouldn't have let you into this family, we never should have let you into our hearts, and our minds. We were fine, only until you came into our lives, and then you ruined everything! I knew from the beginning, the first time I heard of the little Miss Tohru Honda, I knew you'd be trouble," Akito said disgusted. I was too shocked to say anything at all. "You made us believe your little scam, that you were actually a good, kind person, that you understood. We were foolish to believe your lies, your hypocrisy. You have proved once and for all to us, that there is no one who can understand, who can cope with our situation. We can't be saved, and we had accepted that fact, until you came into our lives and made us blindly believe that there was some invisible hope there, that existed. But it was all just a lie! You even had me believing that maybe there was just a small chance that you could miraculously save us. We were all...just being stupid. In truth, Tohru Honda, we can't accept you into this family, because you are an outsider, and you betrayed us." His voice held such a cruelness and maliciousness to it that it was no different than a year ago.  
  
Tears rimmed my eyes and I struggled to keep them there. I gave a low sob. I looked Akito straight in the eyes despite the feeling of apprehension that filled me.  
  
"Akito, I'm sorry. I- I don't know what I'm apologizing for, but I'm sorry for it nonetheless. I guess I'm sorry that it had to be your family that was cursed. I'm sorry that you feel that way about me, Akito. But I don't feel the same about you. I want to be your friend, Akito, and I hope someday that comes true. Although I want more than anything to be truly accepted by you and your family, I know how much it may hurt all of you. If it had been better that I never came into your lives, but I did anyway, then, I'm sorry. Akito, I'm sorry," I said. There was no change in his expression, he remained cold as stone. "Akito, can I just ask you one thing? If things didn't change between us, then why did you kiss me on New Year's? Why, when you were sick, did you tell me that I was accepted, that things had changed?" I asked softly. There was a silence for a moment.  
  
"Because, Tohru Honda, I was testing you; I wanted to see how you'd react. I wanted to see whether you really cared. But how do you know that's the truth? I did say, at one time, I had become lost to you too." I gave a sigh. I stepped toward Akito and wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head against his chest. His arms remained at his side, but neither did he push me away. I held him for a few minutes, breathing into his robes that held his welcoming, strong scent I knew all too well. I felt him breathing in my embrace. I finally pulled away slowly. His face remained indifferent to this gesture. I reached up gently to touch a piece of his black hair and felt its dark, velvety strands. Standing on my toes to increase my height, I kissed him as if for the last time.  
  
It ended after only a few short seconds. My hand remained enclosed on his own hand. He shook my hand away.  
  
"Go now, Tohru Honda." With an unsteadiness, I left, giving him one last glance and savoring the feeling of his lips on my mouth and the touch of his hair on my fingertips.  
  
Outside, despite what Akito had said in there, I still believed there had to be some hope; there had to be some hope for the Sohmas, and for Akito. Only earlier I had seen something truly miraculous, something that once would have thought to be hopeless. There had to be hope. There had to be hope. If what I had seen earlier today was real, then there was always hope, no matter what. Anything can go from hopeless to hopeful. Even a situation as hopeless as that of the Sohmas.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
That was unexpected, huh? Now we don't know what Akito is feeling; okay, well, I'm sure a lot of you think you do. 


	8. A Talk and a Date

Mom, help me, please. I really thought Akito cared, I really thought things were different. Had I just been believing a lie? But then, why did I sense a change in Akito? In all honesty, I truly believed there was something different in Akito. I saw some amazing change, and I had no doubts of its existence. I knew there was something there, at once.  
  
~~~a friend's voice~~~  
  
Hatori called. He wanted me to come over, he said he wanted to talk about something with me. It was a sunny afternooon with only a few clouds floating high in the sky the day I went to see Hatori. The birds of spring were awake and lively again as last spring had brought, and the spring before that, and even the one before that.  
  
Hatori was wearing his usual grey vest over a white shirt with brown, creased pants and a pair of spectacle glasses framed his face; he was donning his usual white doctor coat as well. The one side of his hair was hung over the left side of his face, where he was blind. I smiled at him.  
  
"Come in," he told me. I did so and took my shoes off at the door and set them on the porch. He led me to a room that served as an office for him. He sat in a chair at a desk and gestured for me to sit as well in a seat across from him. At his desk, he wrote a few notes on some papers and then set his pen down and turned his chair to face me. His eyes were serious. I waited in anticipation for him to explain. "I know what Akito did," Hatori said calmly. I nodded, trying to maintain eye contact with Hatori.  
  
"Did he tell you?" I said.  
  
"No. I asked him first, and finally he did. In all my years of living close- by and very immediate to Akito, in many ways, he's become something like the son I never had, to me." Hatori hesitated and said nothing for a moment; he seemed to be thinking about something of the past. "All my life, I had cared that I was a Juunishi, I didn't like being the Dragon. But when I met Kana, my whole life changed. She accepted me as what I was, and it no longer mattered anymore to me. As long as she was there..." He paused for a moment. "When she left...I felt as if everything mattered again. I cried. I felt as if I had been believing a false sense of salvation, but I knew at one time, it had been true. Kana had been in my life, for a short while, and then she was gone... Maybe it was my fault, maybe I had done this to her, because I had wanted to get married. Afterwards, after she was gone from my life, I thought, there had to be a better way. But we chose to tell Akito instead, and that was our mistake, telling Akito. But, in the end, I guess it really wasn't; I may never come to terms with what I am, but I know that I can never just leave. I can't simply get away from it, get away from the grief."  
  
"Hatori...?" I whispered softly. He seemed not to notice.  
  
"The grief that I had caused Akito to become angry. And Kana became sad, and I for a while, I just needed it all to go away. But it never did... And then, Akito persuaded me to erase Kana's memories, and even though I hated him wholeheartedly for what he had done, I obeyed. Akito had made me believe that Kana wanted this, that she didn't want to get married to me; he made me believe she wished she had never gotten involved with the Sohmas and that she secretly wanted her memories erased. And it was so easy for me to accept that because that's what they all said. For every 'other' that passed through our lives, there was always a sickening farewell, because they just couldn't cope. Sometimes, I still wonder, if even you will be an exception." Hatori had said that knowing I would understand. Before he had even finished I had a strong feeling of sympathy for Hatori, than even before. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he told this to me, though not looking directly at me. "I don't know what's right or wrong, or up from down, or east to west anymore; they became confused to me long ago. Just like the frozen snow... I am as empty as the coldness of winter. That's what I promised Kana," he finished with a whisper.  
  
For now, I had no say in this conversation. It was simply Hatori's turn to tell me things, to pour out his soul to me, to get it out. I only needed to listen. With nothing to say, I waited intently for his voice to speak again.  
  
"Tohru, because of what I let happen in my life, because I let Akito fool me, because I let Kana get away, don't lose Akito. Please promise me, you won't let Akito slip away. I know now for you it must seem pretty hopeless, but it's not. Akito, all his life, has felt shunned by some means, just as the Cat; so now that he has been accepted by someone -you- he has difficulty expressing it. He doesn't know how to tell you he cares, because up until only recently, it was totally alien to him. Be patient with him, and don't desert him, please, you're all he has." Hatori sighed and looked at me. I nodded. I stood and bowed as if accepting a job. I straightened and looked at Hatori.  
  
"I promise," I assured him. "I won't abandon Akito," I said. Lastly, I stepped toward Hatori and wrapped my arms around his shoulders in the chair. A few seconds later, there was a 'poof' and a small puff of purplish smoke rose from the air. A white coat flew in the air. When the smoke settled, the brown-haired man was no longer in the chair, leaving only a small seahorse on the carpet, squirming around in the coat. I sighed.  
  
"Oh, I guess I forgot. Sorry Hatori, I'm really sorry," I apologized as I bent down and wrapped the tiny seahorse in the coat and walked out of the room with him. "I'll take you to your room, Hatori, so you can just wait to change back." My only response were a few tiny squeaks and a little squirming. I gave a laugh. Somehow I didn't think Hatori liked it when he transformed in front of people; I think it sort of ruined his professional complex, and he knew it.  
  
Later...  
  
"Tohru, please don't tell anyone I transformed," Hatori said while pulling his right arm through a sleeve of the white doctor coat. I nodded my agreement.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~  
  
Mom, why do I care so much about Akito? Do you know? And does Akito care for me too? According to Hatori, he does to an extent, but what that extent is I don't know.  
  
Okay, well, Akito is the next one to make a move obviously. Uh...so what do I do now? I think I should just take a break and give Akito time to sort out his own feelings. If he can do that, then maybe he can realize what he needs and wants from me. And after that, we can endulge in a sweet, unfolding romance for all time! With Akito though, that's actually not likely possible; I was lucky I even got a couple kisses out of him! Well, hey, I should be glad I even got this far, as to where Akito needs time to sort out his own feelings for me. And I know for a fact no other woman has ever accomplished such an exploit of Akito.  
  
Things like this, like romance, take time.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~  
  
It was a week and a half later and I had heard nothing from either Hatori or Akito.  
  
I was in the kitchen, preparing lunch for Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, and myself, when the phone rang. I set the bowls I had been holding on the table and walked to the phone. I picked it up.  
  
"Hello," I said cheerily. A thrilling chill went down my spine when I heard who was on the other line; I guess Akito just has that effect on people. I suddenly lost all my wits.  
  
"Tohru, I want to meet you somewhere," Akito said stoicly. I nodded over the phone and I tried to gather my shreds of wits.  
  
"Uh...y- yeah. Okay, uh, where do you want to meet?" I managed to ask.  
  
"I don't know; where would any regular couple go?" I froze from feet to head and felt my brain pause temporarily. My breath stopped in mid-inhale. This was exactly the guy who had just told me nothing had changed only a week and a half ago!  
  
~mental relapse~  
  
I involuntarily gave a hiccup over the line.  
  
"Uh...I don't know...anywhere is fine with me," I said, trying to keep myself from falling over.  
  
"Good. I'll pick you up then, tomorrow, at seven."  
  
"Y- yeah. Do you drive?" I asked in a dream.  
  
"No." And the line was cut off. I wobbled back over to the bowls on the table and continued what I was doing as best I could from the utter shock.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hmm, so Akito does care after all. And now, what's this?! Their first date! *does boogy* Stay tuned for the next chapter! 


	9. The Date

Note: In Japan, they drive the same as in Britain, on reverse sides of the road; therefore, the driver's side is on the right, not the left.  
  
Note 2: I tried to keep Akito as much IC (in character) as possible in this chapter, but he still may be a little OOC (out of character). Gomen.  
  
I stared dreamily at the only photograph of Akito I had. It was a picture taken only recently by Hatori. He was in dark purple robes of delicate white flowers pastelled across it in clusters across the beautiful, dark fabric; it suited him quite well. Akito looked quite well with the infamous stoic facade on his face, and his hair neat and its usual length (it had been cut shortly after he recovered). He looked quite handsome. And I was going on a date with him tonight!  
  
Everything had happened so quickly over the past weeks! Only a few months ago, Akito had fully recovered from sickness, then he told me that nothing had changed between us, and then he asks me to go out with him! Of course I wasn't going to refuse, I was half-crazily in love with the guy, and besides, this is Akito we're talking about, the Sohma family Head.  
  
I turned my head from the picture at my desk where I was sitting to look at the clock. It read 5:35. I sighed, trying to contain my excitement, and stood. Not knowing whether this was a casual occasion or not, I put on a light pink sweater and an informal white skirt that reached to my knees. I took extra care in my makeup, putting only a very light layer on. I made sure my hair was neat and orderly and I put hairspray on, and that I looked positively perfect!  
  
I glanced at the clock one more time now. This time it read 6:40. Before I left my room to go downstairs to wait for Akito, I took a small wad of 500 yen and stuffed it in my bra; it always pays to be prepared.  
  
I didn't really know what to look for of means of transportation since Akito didn't drive and never had; Hatori usually took him places. Finally, at 6: 55, a black car drove up, though it was not Hatori driving. I waved goodbye to Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo, and approached the car nervously. Surprisingly, Akito was sitting on the right side in the driver's seat! I nervously opened the door of the car and slid in. Akito was wearing black creased pants and a sweater; he looked quite distinguished, very Akito-ish. He turned his head to acknowledge me, but not in an unpolite way.  
  
"Hello Akito," I said shakily, trying to sound cheerful. "But didn't you say you didn't drive?" I said.  
  
"After I recovered, soon after Hatori got me a learner's permit. I'm still learning, but I can drive well enough," Akito said casually. Akito put his hands on the steering wheel before he started the car, but suddenly stopped. He turned to me and leaned forward, kissing my roughly on my mouth, pushing me back on the seat. He pulled away abruptly and started the ignition as if nothing had happened. I currently was a helpless flop in the seat next to him and blushing furiously, replaying the scene that had just happened over and over again in my mind. Suddenly remembering, I put my seatbelt on. Akito though, did not. Akito began to drive, his eyes focused intently on the road. His eyes didn't move at all from the road, and his eyes held a far-off look in them, almost as if he didn't see the road in front of him; but since he wasn't swerving violently, I knew he did see it.  
  
"Akito, where did you have in mind to go?" I asked him.  
  
"Let's see a movie," he suggested.  
  
"Wow. Really?" I said. He nodded.  
  
"What do you want to see?" he asked me.  
  
"Um...I don't know. Why don't we see when we get there," I suggested. I blushed slightly, this was so unlike Akito; he was being nice, considerate, affectionate. Just thinking these thoughts made my cheeks burn lightly.  
  
Minutes later, we pulled into the theater parking lot, with a few other cars parked here and there over the space of the lot too. We got out of the car and I straightened my hair as we approached the theater. We bought our tickets and went to sit down in the individual theater we were assigned.  
  
We ended up seeing some gory, political drama. The opening scene began with an old politician dying in bed in the late 1600's. His grandson, Keda, becomes a politician as well, but before fights in a long, fantasized war when he is older.  
  
Half way through the movie, I picked up a handfull of popcorn and raised it to my mouth, while staring at the screen during a rather bloody battle. Shijo, a comrade of Keda's, was suddenly shot out of nowhere in the leg. Blood immediately began squirting from the wound after he fell. I dropped the popcorn at my mouth, into my lap. I looked to my right at Akito. Akito was next to me, staring at the screen intently though I could tell he was seeing nothing of this movie. I turned back hesitantly to the screen.  
  
~political drama~  
  
I became aware of a probing sensation at my neck. I panicked as I became very aware that Akito was kissing my neck. I tried to move away.  
  
"Stop Akito," I whispered. He ignored this and pulled me back, continuing to probe at my neck with his lips. He moaned. "Stop Akito," I hissed and tried to pull away again. But Akito refused to give up. He moved to my lips and began kissing me there instead. I continued to struggle to stop him. "Akito, no, wait," I said, trying to keep my voice low. I suddenly found myself pushed to the floor of the aisle we were in. I landed with a thud, and unsurprisingly, Akito was soon on top me, kissing me passionately on the lips. "Akito, stop! We're...in...public," I begged. Some old couple from a few rows ahead looked behind them.  
  
"Crazy kids these days."  
  
I tried to push Akito away and just do something, but he was relentless. Somehow at moments like these, it seems my life is taking some incredibly wild turns.  
  
"Akito, please," I continued to beg hopelessly.  
  
"But...why? Why don't you want to...makeout in a theater? Isn't that...what normal couples...do?" he asked, while still squeezing in a few kisses here and there.  
  
"No!" I immediately realized I had said that too loud. "Normal couples don't do this sort of thing. And besides, uh...we aren't exactly official yet," I reminded him softly, thankful he had retreated for at least a moment. He hung his head, sighed and backed off completely, leaving only a very bewildered me on the floor, covered in kisses and popcorn. This was all too much to handle! Akito helped me to my feet.  
  
"Do you want to leave?" he asked stoicly. I nodded.  
  
"Yes, please," I said.  
  
In the parking lot, after brushing the popcorn off my back, sitting in the car, I talked to Akito.  
  
"Akito, if you had wanted to stay and watch the movie, we could have," I said softly. I felt guilty, as if I had ruined the date.  
  
"No, I wasn't watching it anyway," Akito answered. I hesitated.  
  
"Akito, did I ruin the date?" I asked shamefully. He turned his head to me.  
  
"No. No, Tohru Honda, you didn't ruin the date if that's what you want to call it. But for every time I kissed you in there, I probably shouldn't be allowed to kiss you for two years," he said in a chillingly serious way.  
  
"Uh...we'll still be kissing in two years?" I hadn't really thought about our future as a couple before, so two years seemed like quite a long time. "Aren't there any other girls you're interested in as well?" I asked him.  
  
"No," he replied simply. "I don't know any other girls beside you, and even if I did, how could I trust them as I do you?" His eyes distracted from the road for a moment and he gave me something of what could be called a smile if such a thing existed for Akito. The moment was frozen in time forever in my memory. His eyes suddenly turned back to the road after that beautiful split second when our eyes met and he smiled at me. The image warmed my heart.  
  
Suddenly, in the setting sun, Akito pulled into a parking spot by the side of the road and turned off the car. I waited for him to explain. We sat there for a minute before he began.  
  
"A week ago, I told you nothing changed, didn't I? I lied. Instead of the lie being things had changed, the lie was that things hadn't changed. I needed time though. I could have died, and then recovering, and all the while you were there. How could you not get into my subconscious? You were many times the first person I saw in the morning. So, anyway, my words were not honorable." In other words, Akito just apologized. I smiled and reached over and hugged him. He did not stop me from embracing him and gently placed his hand on my arm.  
  
"Aishiteru (lit: I am loving you), Sohma-kun," I whispered gently. "Akito..." I closed my eyes and reveled in my embrace around him. He said nothing.  
  
~hug bugs~  
  
Akito later dropped me off at home where I collapsed on the bed from pure exhaustion and being so overwhelmed with our first date. For now, life was just a tiny, little paradise knowing I could tell Akito I loved him freely, and knowing he at least, regretted he told me nothing had changed. 


	10. The End to Worries THE END

Note: Yokohama, a Japanese city, is famous for its good Chinese food.  
  
It seemed that a wonderfully beautiful, and maybe even a bit scary of a romance was unfolding between Akito and I! It was one month later and I had already gone on several dates with Akito, though he didn't try to assault me with kisses while watching a political drama again. We went to another movie one time, and we went to bazaars, and little outside markets in Arabic neighborhoods, and ate Chinese in Yokohama, and once he even bought me a bouquet; it was wonderful! And I think Akito had fun too, though he didn't express it much. But I guess he does enjoy it, because he still calls me. Life was truly wonderful!  
  
But, as the days passed, one fact became shockingly clear to me. Well, actually when I think about it, it isn't that shocking, but, Akito had never told me he loved me. I had many times without thinking twice, knowing it was a good thing to do, but Akito had never said anything of the like in return. Akito had never said, "Tohru-kun, I love you." And to me, it was a little surprising. We had both accepted that things were different between us for the better, and were dating, but he had still never told me. At first I didn't think too much of it, Akito was never the type to say "I love you" to anyone, but as time progressed, it became more and more apparent to me. And after I realized this, I soon began to feel very lonely when I said those words to him and he never replied. I became increasingly aware of the seeming hole in the conversation of his absence of the three words he always failed to say. I guess I knew he loved me as well, but I just needed to hear it. I had kept this to myself until lately. I had been saying "I love you" more and more often, in some subconscious futile attempt that I might hear those magical words spoken to me one day.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So, one day, after a short date, at his house, I told Akito I loved him again for the third time that date. As expected, an unnerving silence followed, that I had become very immune to by now. Holding my breath and taking my chances, I repeated what I had just said.  
  
"Akito, I love you." Silence. I was begging for Akito to say something and break the silence before I suffocated. I heard Akito exhale out his nose and I sensed faint discomfort from him. I finally gave up and exhaled and took another breath. "I love you, Akito," I repeated, this time a bit more bravely. There was a pause where neither one of us said anything. I took another breath. "Akito, I love you. I love you. Can't you see that? I love you. Why don't you react? Why do I always feel like I'm talking to myself? Akito, I think that you do love me, so could you just show me, once?" I said. I was expecting this to be a long ordeal of some sort, and I thought it would take some persuading to get Akito to open up to me- well, not that much.  
  
"I've tried."  
  
"And Akito, I- Huh?"  
  
"I've tried to tell you my feelings. I've tried to tell you that the main reason I get up in the morning is because I know I can hope I can see you that day. I've tried to tell you that there are some days I can't stop thinking about you no matter what I do. I've tried...I've tried to tell you that I love you, but I just couldn't. I held back because, I just couldn't find the time. I couldn't say it as easily as you could, just 'I love you'. So, I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh..." There was a pause between us for a moment.  
  
"Tohru Honda, I've wanted to tell you, I love you." He had said it, he had finally said it. I felt tears rim my eyes as I stepped forward and embraced him in my arms and leaned my head against his chest. And for the first time I felt his arms wrap around my body protectively as well. I froze this moment in time in my memory forever so that I would never ever lose it. I smiled into the warmth of his shirt.  
  
"We've come so far," I whispered. "When...when you were sick, everyone...everyone was sure you were going to die. Your situation seemed very hopeless, but then, somehow, you recovered. And suddenly, your situation became very, very hopeful and I wish I knew how it happened. Maybe...maybe there is someone or something watching out for us, that cared enough to save you, Akito. Maybe we're not entirely alone and unguided," I said. "From hopeless to hopeful," I whispered with a smile. Never before had I felt such a peace of mind, such a contentment.  
  
Mom, you were watching over Akito for me, weren't you? Thank you. Thank you for saving one of the most important people to me. You've been watching over both of us.  
  
"Tohru, you've saved me. It was you who gave me the will to live, the will to continue. And that's what helped me to live, the prayers of everyone. You weren't too late to save me after all."  
  
Mom, I know now that whatever may come, I can handle it. I can live and continue through any manner of pain and heartache, because I've been saved once from it. Akito is alive, he's present, so I don't have to hide from it anymore. I can face forward now, with Akito. I know now, that whatever misfortunes befall me, I can continue, I have to keep going. I love you, Mom.  
  
"I love you so much, Akito," I whispered. Akito pulled away gently and kissed me gently.  
  
"I love you too, Tohru Honda, my saviour. I've been saved. I love you," Akito said. He pulled me into his embrace again and touched my head and leaned his head on my hair.  
  
"I love you," I whispered the final time as I closed my eyes. Everything was going to be okay. This has definitely taught me that anything can go from hopeless to hopeful. Anything at all, even the most seeemingly hopeless things;anything can be saved and improved for the better. I know it for sure.  
  
From Hopeless to Hopeful  
  
The End  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Whew! The end! I posted this story on August 15, 2003, and now, on November 24, 2003 I've finished it, complete at ten chapters. I really enjoyed writing this story, and I think it shows some rare writing talent of mine; I think this is one of my best works yet. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing.  
  
Okay, I don't have anyone to dedicate this to, though I wish I did. So, think of someone that you know, that you really appreciate, and this is dedicated to them. 


End file.
